Issue #143 – Abuse resources online

Issue #143

Surfing & Cruising

Abuse resources online

by Bret Kelly

I’ve only had a few relationships, so my knowledge of gay partner
abuse is very limited. My latest relationship had the possibility of
leading into an abusive one——my lover had been abused himself and
displayed signs of anger and hostility towards me. Luckily, I ended it
before the situation got out of out control. Others, however, don’t
escape the relationship before the problems escalate and turn abusive.

If you are in or know someone who is in such a relationship, check
out some the links below for help and related information:

Gay Partner Abuse Project: www.gaypartnerabuseprojecnorg

This is a Toronto based non—profit organization that provides sup-
port, education and advocacy for men who experience violence and
abuse in intimate sex relationships. Probably the most comprehensive
of sites dealing with gay partner abuse. Many of the sites that I looked
at were focused on lesbian domestic Violence; this site is aimed at gay
men. Topics include: Understanding Abuse, Staying Safe and Are You
Being Abused? In the Information Resources section you will find a
downloadable Word document, At the End of the Rainbow by Mark
Lehman. that looks at domestic violence.

Gay Men Domestic Violence Project:

Boston-based project with useful information. The survivor stories
are very interesting and show how a seemingly ordinary relationship
can turn sour. This quote from Dennis’ experience shows how little is
being done about the problem: “After a total of 82 days in the hospi-
tal Dennis had never once been asked by medical personnel if he was
a victim of domestic violence.” Shocking.’

Gay-On-Gay Violence:

From February of 97, this Salon article is still available on the Web.

Again, directed at lesbian violence but the article does contain
some hard statistics and shocking information, including the reality
that there are no shelters for gay abused men.

Same Sex Domestic Violence:

Interesting breakdown of what abuse is. Some signs your partner is
being abusive include: “not allowing you to be involved in the gay and
lesbian community,” “encouraging shame and self—hatred about being
lesbian/gay,” “using threats to disclose gay/lesbian identity to friends
and family and threatening to out you at work.”

Same—Sex Partner Abuse:

wwvv.won1anabuseprevention.oom/html/samesex __partner_abuse.html

Although, the URL is, there is a lot of
information on gay relationships here. Some points of interest include
a list of common myths: “When violence occurs between gay men in
a relationship, it’s a fight, it’s normal, it’s “boys will be boys”and
“Abuse in gay male relationships is sexual behavior: it’s a version of
sadomasochism and the Victims actually like it. ” W/tong.’

Remember, all of the links mentioned here are available online at, just click on “Internet.”